I'll keep this short... but today I had the chance to watch a Great sermon on Adoption. I wanted to share with you all because I can't even put into words how true and powerful adoption is in ALL of our lives!
When sharing with others that Paul & I are in the process of adopting, many respond with the question or statement, "Oh you can't have children of your own?" And I try my best to explain how God has placed the desire in my heart to adopt and I've never even thought twice about having my own (at least not yet). I've never gone to bed dreaming of my own, I've never caught myself daydreaming about having my own but rather always catching myself wondering what my child will look like because he won't have any of my genes. He won't be my same skin color or have my nose or my eyes, but he'll have my heart! He'll still be mine and we'll have the same Heavenly Father.
You see, as Believers, we've all been adopted. Jesus paid a HIGH PRICE for each and everyone of us. He gave his life so that we could be adopted into the family of God. He gave it all! So to think about the price of international adoption... it's so minor compared to what my Savior gave for me.
Can we have children? Maybe, probably, not really sure... not really concerned about it and not even worried about it because God has a plan for our life and the perfect son already picked out for us.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well! Psalm 139:14
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Excuse me God... I think you misunderstood!
It's been a little while now that I've been wanting to blog, but life has gotten in the way (and so has God). Let me explain...
It was Monday afternoon, July 16th, and my dad and I were headed to Lakeland to pick up Jessica Murdock from a friends house. She has just arrived back to Florida from her 2 week mission trip to Africa. I was really excited to hear all about it and even more anxious to hear about her BIG news. You see, she had called me earlier in the week and left a message on my work voicemail that she had an amazing day and had made a BIG decision. So was she moving to Africa? Did she find me a baby? Had she found THE orphanage that we would be returning to in the next year? What was the BIG news?
So we picked her up, headed to Chick-fil-A (of course), sat down to eat and then she started spilling the beans... "I'm moving back to New York!" Excuse me? What did she just say? Did she just really say that she was moving back to New York? I listened to all that she had to say. I knew it was for real. I knew she wasn't asking for my opinion or advise but actually telling me what she was doing. She explained how she felt as though this was something God was calling her to do and I can't argue with God.
Here's the thing... Jess is my best friend. Jess is my partner in SendMeMissions. Jess is my right-hand man. Jess is my Go-To person. If you're familiar with Grey's Anatomy... she's MY person! What am I going to do without her? She's suppose to walk through the tough times with me. She's suppose to go with me to Africa to pick up my baby boy. She's suppose to do all these things and now she's leaving. This is not what I had planned for.
So I'm studying the book of Nehemiah right now. I'm reading all about Nehemiah and his faithfulness to pray and rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. I've also been praying that just like God broke Nehemiah's heart for these people, that God break my heart. Now in my mind, I'm praying that God break my heart for the poor, the homeless, the orphans, the widows (you get the point). But I guess, even though that's where I wanted God to break my heart, that's not where my heart needed to be broke (honestly it already is in a sense). Instead, God knew that my heart needed to be broke in other ways. In ways that weren't pre-planned by ME. He knew that my heart needed to be broken from the safety of MY PERSON, Jess. He needed me to fully rely on Him for strength and guidance. And as long as I could depend on Jess I didn't have to give Him 100% of my trust & faith. And so, He broke my heart. He didn't give me a heads up, He didn't slowly do it, He just dropped the bomb on me in one quick sentence of, "I'm moving to New York."
Now, I know that I was praying for this (kind-of) but I really wasn't. I didn't really want this. I didn't really want my heart broken, but thankfully God knew it's what was needed. Thankfully He knew what was best for me and He chose to break my heart for Him. Lesson #1 God knows what's best!
He didn't just stop with Jess, He kept on. 2 days later I received an email from our adoption agency that they were currently not taking any more applications for adoption in Uganda. EXCUSE ME?!?! I think you just sent that email to the wrong person, because God clearly showed me that this is what He wanted for our lives. He's opened the doors over and over and over and now I get this email telling me NO. Well here's the deal, the email didn't say No, it said WAIT. But I'm not a patient person and I'm even less of a patient person when my heart is broken for no reason and so I read it as, no. And this is where lesson #2 comes in to play... God's timing is perfect timing.
And because God's timing is ALWAYS perfect, we will wait. We've been told that we should hear from the adoption agency sometime around the beginning of next year. And until we do, we will pray. We will pray a lot! And God will be faithful in our lives! He's always been faithful and I know He will continue to be faithful.
It's been a trying few weeks... emotionally & spiritually. But I am reminded by Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know I have the plans for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This is what I will hold on to every single time that Satan lies to me. Every single time that I tell myself, "I can't do this!" Every time I cry out to God, "YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME!!! I will hold on to ALL of God's promises and will make it through this time of uncertainty or better known as walking by Faith!
I was given a gift during these crazy few days that's now displayed in my bedroom. It's a reminder for me that life isn't always going to play out the way that I want it to, but that God requires of me OBEDIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, FAITHFULNESS, PRAYER, and full trust in Him. It's a gift that I will one day get to give to my son and share with him the love that my Heavenly father has shown me in the good times and in the bad.
It was Monday afternoon, July 16th, and my dad and I were headed to Lakeland to pick up Jessica Murdock from a friends house. She has just arrived back to Florida from her 2 week mission trip to Africa. I was really excited to hear all about it and even more anxious to hear about her BIG news. You see, she had called me earlier in the week and left a message on my work voicemail that she had an amazing day and had made a BIG decision. So was she moving to Africa? Did she find me a baby? Had she found THE orphanage that we would be returning to in the next year? What was the BIG news?
So we picked her up, headed to Chick-fil-A (of course), sat down to eat and then she started spilling the beans... "I'm moving back to New York!" Excuse me? What did she just say? Did she just really say that she was moving back to New York? I listened to all that she had to say. I knew it was for real. I knew she wasn't asking for my opinion or advise but actually telling me what she was doing. She explained how she felt as though this was something God was calling her to do and I can't argue with God.
Here's the thing... Jess is my best friend. Jess is my partner in SendMeMissions. Jess is my right-hand man. Jess is my Go-To person. If you're familiar with Grey's Anatomy... she's MY person! What am I going to do without her? She's suppose to walk through the tough times with me. She's suppose to go with me to Africa to pick up my baby boy. She's suppose to do all these things and now she's leaving. This is not what I had planned for.
So I'm studying the book of Nehemiah right now. I'm reading all about Nehemiah and his faithfulness to pray and rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. I've also been praying that just like God broke Nehemiah's heart for these people, that God break my heart. Now in my mind, I'm praying that God break my heart for the poor, the homeless, the orphans, the widows (you get the point). But I guess, even though that's where I wanted God to break my heart, that's not where my heart needed to be broke (honestly it already is in a sense). Instead, God knew that my heart needed to be broke in other ways. In ways that weren't pre-planned by ME. He knew that my heart needed to be broken from the safety of MY PERSON, Jess. He needed me to fully rely on Him for strength and guidance. And as long as I could depend on Jess I didn't have to give Him 100% of my trust & faith. And so, He broke my heart. He didn't give me a heads up, He didn't slowly do it, He just dropped the bomb on me in one quick sentence of, "I'm moving to New York."
Now, I know that I was praying for this (kind-of) but I really wasn't. I didn't really want this. I didn't really want my heart broken, but thankfully God knew it's what was needed. Thankfully He knew what was best for me and He chose to break my heart for Him. Lesson #1 God knows what's best!
He didn't just stop with Jess, He kept on. 2 days later I received an email from our adoption agency that they were currently not taking any more applications for adoption in Uganda. EXCUSE ME?!?! I think you just sent that email to the wrong person, because God clearly showed me that this is what He wanted for our lives. He's opened the doors over and over and over and now I get this email telling me NO. Well here's the deal, the email didn't say No, it said WAIT. But I'm not a patient person and I'm even less of a patient person when my heart is broken for no reason and so I read it as, no. And this is where lesson #2 comes in to play... God's timing is perfect timing.
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It's been a trying few weeks... emotionally & spiritually. But I am reminded by Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know I have the plans for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This is what I will hold on to every single time that Satan lies to me. Every single time that I tell myself, "I can't do this!" Every time I cry out to God, "YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME!!! I will hold on to ALL of God's promises and will make it through this time of uncertainty or better known as walking by Faith!
I was given a gift during these crazy few days that's now displayed in my bedroom. It's a reminder for me that life isn't always going to play out the way that I want it to, but that God requires of me OBEDIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, FAITHFULNESS, PRAYER, and full trust in Him. It's a gift that I will one day get to give to my son and share with him the love that my Heavenly father has shown me in the good times and in the bad.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
My First Tears for You
My Beloved Son,
While this won't be the last time that I shed a tear for you because I'm certain there will be many more. I did want you to know of the very first time that this happened.
It was Mother's Day 2012. All I could think about was you. And while there's a good chance you aren't even born yet, I know that you will go through pain in the very beginning of your life. I know that at some point you will be in need and I will be far away. I know that you will be hungry and waiting for someone to come and take care of you. But know that I will be on my way and until I arrive our Heavenly Father will be watching over you, keeping you safe. Your loneliness will only be temporary... for you will be adopted into our family just as God has adopted us into His.
You see, these tears I shed were tears of sorrow and anticipation. They were from a Mother's broken-heart who doesn't know what the future holds. I'm so looking forward to the day, where we will meet and our tears will be of joy, not sorrow. Tears of knowing that our Father's faithfulness holds true each and every day.
While this won't be the last time that I shed a tear for you because I'm certain there will be many more. I did want you to know of the very first time that this happened.
It was Mother's Day 2012. All I could think about was you. And while there's a good chance you aren't even born yet, I know that you will go through pain in the very beginning of your life. I know that at some point you will be in need and I will be far away. I know that you will be hungry and waiting for someone to come and take care of you. But know that I will be on my way and until I arrive our Heavenly Father will be watching over you, keeping you safe. Your loneliness will only be temporary... for you will be adopted into our family just as God has adopted us into His.
You see, these tears I shed were tears of sorrow and anticipation. They were from a Mother's broken-heart who doesn't know what the future holds. I'm so looking forward to the day, where we will meet and our tears will be of joy, not sorrow. Tears of knowing that our Father's faithfulness holds true each and every day.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
One Book at a Time
So if you really know me, you know that I am a slow reader. There are some weeks I could careless about reading, while other weeks all I want to do is read. But the problem is, I'm a slow reader. I try really hard, but it still is such a long drawn out process for me. So I usually get distracted or overwhelmed or irritated and move on to another task. However, I have conquered a few books in the last year which has been exciting. And I've really enjoyed them...
Choosing to See (By: MaryBeth Chapman)
Kisses from Katie (By: Katie Davis)
Miracle for Jen (By: Linda Barrick)
And now I'm on Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker. In all the books I've read (because I'm so slow at reading) I highlight areas that speak to me. I laugh and cry and giggle and share and all those emotions that a book brings with it. But when I got to pg105 of Interrupted, my jaw fell wide open. I even took a picture of the page to share with you.
So you are probably thinking, "What's the big deal?" Well, I've had the privilege in the last few months to become the president of SendMeMissions, Inc. which our focus is to PARTNER, UNITE, SERVE. Partner with local and global organizations to unite people together by serving others to make a difference through Christ. It was like this chapter began, sharing with me, exactly what we do as well; And that to me is so exciting that God can use a book to confirm what we are doing. That He can use Jen Hatmaker who wrote this book a few years ago to encourage me in my daily walk with Him.
It's just ONE BOOK AT A TIME... but He's using each one of these books to draw me closer to Him and reveal to me His magnificent grace, love, beauty and never-ending goodness in my life.
Choosing to See (By: MaryBeth Chapman)
Kisses from Katie (By: Katie Davis)
Miracle for Jen (By: Linda Barrick)
And now I'm on Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker. In all the books I've read (because I'm so slow at reading) I highlight areas that speak to me. I laugh and cry and giggle and share and all those emotions that a book brings with it. But when I got to pg105 of Interrupted, my jaw fell wide open. I even took a picture of the page to share with you.
So you are probably thinking, "What's the big deal?" Well, I've had the privilege in the last few months to become the president of SendMeMissions, Inc. which our focus is to PARTNER, UNITE, SERVE. Partner with local and global organizations to unite people together by serving others to make a difference through Christ. It was like this chapter began, sharing with me, exactly what we do as well; And that to me is so exciting that God can use a book to confirm what we are doing. That He can use Jen Hatmaker who wrote this book a few years ago to encourage me in my daily walk with Him.
It's just ONE BOOK AT A TIME... but He's using each one of these books to draw me closer to Him and reveal to me His magnificent grace, love, beauty and never-ending goodness in my life.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I Will Carry You ... Follow Up
Here's a little follow up to the post about "I will carry you"
Love, love, love, stories like these!
"The strangest thing has happened today & I feel I have to share this with my facebook family. We got to our hotel @ 330 this afternoon & checked in & went immediately to the pool. I stayed in for a few but then decided to get out & read my book, I will Carry You by Angie Smith. I was on chapter 8, (yes Jamie Davis-Samuels, I am a slow reader but also this has been a hard book for me to read so there has been days I couldn't touch it :) ) titled Cherry Blossom. Half way through the chapter and with a picture of a cherry blossom was this:
"The Japenese cherry starts flowering profusely from the first warmer days in April, heralding the coming of spring. The intense beauty and short survival span have associated cherry blossoms with spiritual and philosophicalideas (such as the beauty and fragility of human life)."
After the chapter we decided to go to Walmart & get some junk food. We headed back to the room to change & headed off to Wally World. When we got back Mandy Dockery Latham had arrived & we were all socializing in the room until I spotting a picture, actually TWO pictures of Japanese Cherry Blossoms above both of the beds! I WAS AMAZED at what I saw! I told Allen Bridges & Mandy about what I read & how I felt like Addison was there with us. I even had to call Krystina Andrzejewski Smith because it was giving my chills! I was so bummed because when we left the house this afternoon I left Miss Addison's ashes in the living room beside the tv & just said, "Oh no, I left Addison." I was debating on whether or not to go back & then said, "oh she will be fine." Now I feel she was showing me she will be fine. Whether her ashes are with us or not she will ALWAYS be with us! Her life was short but VERY BEAUTIFUL & touched so many hearts & continues to touch so many people. The words "intense beauty and short survival span" hits it right on the spot!! She was ALWAYS OUR ANGEL! Even when a stranger would come up to Addison they would say, "what a precious Angel." They had NO idea of her medical conditions, she was just so beautiful it reminded people of an Angel. Do I hurt daily over the loss of my daughter, yes. Do I feel there is a hole in my heart that will never be repaired, yes. But do I question my faith in God, No! I do not need to fill the gaps & I do not need to know the answers. All I need is to have my FAITH! I love You Lord & thank you for what you have blessed me with!" -By Jessica Boyett
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I Will Carry You...
I know for me, I always try to be strong. I struggle with anyone seeing me down or discouraged as this is a sign of weakness. But God has slowly shown me that I can not carry the weight of the world. I can not carry the hurts, the pain, the troubles of my very own life. I must seek Him and I must allow him to carry me.
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Just in the past few weeks I've had a few minutes to reflect on some old friendships. You see, here in Hardee County many graduate and move on with their life, typically moving out of town. There's the Homecoming Game that some return for, the Hardee County Fair of course and sometimes even during the Holiday's. But for the most part, we see those who we went to school with and grew up with become adults on Facebook. This is where we meet their husbands or wives, their children and their accomplishments. But this is also where we see their hurt, their pain and their disappointments. And this provides an awesome avenue to pray for someone.
I'm specifically referring to a friend that I've watched over the last few months poor her heart out in regards to her sick daughter, Addison. I've prayed many nights for their family and for their little girl. But this past week, she went to be with the Lord. I think back when we were young and clueless to what real pain was, not the kind where a boy doesn't' speak to you at school or your mom makes you clean your mom, but the kind that captures our life and brings us straight to our knees begging and pleading with God to have mercy and perform a miracle right before our eyes.
While I've not seen Jess in awhile, she's from Hardee County. And although many leave and never come back... we're all still a family. Our community is amazing and is compassionate. We feel the pain many miles away. We pray many miles away. And so I just share with you tonight, that although most of us in Hardee County never met Addison, she's part of us too. And when one Believer hurts, we all hurt.
If you get a chance to watch this short video and listen to the words of the song, I am so thankful that MY God will carry me through any difficult time. That He will also be their to give me strength.
Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Just in the past few weeks I've had a few minutes to reflect on some old friendships. You see, here in Hardee County many graduate and move on with their life, typically moving out of town. There's the Homecoming Game that some return for, the Hardee County Fair of course and sometimes even during the Holiday's. But for the most part, we see those who we went to school with and grew up with become adults on Facebook. This is where we meet their husbands or wives, their children and their accomplishments. But this is also where we see their hurt, their pain and their disappointments. And this provides an awesome avenue to pray for someone.
I'm specifically referring to a friend that I've watched over the last few months poor her heart out in regards to her sick daughter, Addison. I've prayed many nights for their family and for their little girl. But this past week, she went to be with the Lord. I think back when we were young and clueless to what real pain was, not the kind where a boy doesn't' speak to you at school or your mom makes you clean your mom, but the kind that captures our life and brings us straight to our knees begging and pleading with God to have mercy and perform a miracle right before our eyes.
While I've not seen Jess in awhile, she's from Hardee County. And although many leave and never come back... we're all still a family. Our community is amazing and is compassionate. We feel the pain many miles away. We pray many miles away. And so I just share with you tonight, that although most of us in Hardee County never met Addison, she's part of us too. And when one Believer hurts, we all hurt.
If you get a chance to watch this short video and listen to the words of the song, I am so thankful that MY God will carry me through any difficult time. That He will also be their to give me strength.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Faithfulness
I've had the privilege of staying in touch with a dear friend of mine from Hawaii who is going through the adoption process. She began blogging right before she left for Colombia to go pick up her son. Each day I've checked this blog, smiled because of this blog, prayed because of this blog, even shed a tear or two when reading the sadness and uncertainty in Kristen's posts as she waited very very patiently to adopt her son.
The process was not near as quick as we probably all wanted it to be, but like she says below, God has a purpose. I'm proud of her faithfulness in knowing that God will provide and never leave us. Here's a little something from her most recent post... ENJOY EVERYONE!
The process was not near as quick as we probably all wanted it to be, but like she says below, God has a purpose. I'm proud of her faithfulness in knowing that God will provide and never leave us. Here's a little something from her most recent post... ENJOY EVERYONE!
I have faith that there is a "purpose" for us being here this long, we might not ever know what that is, but God's ways are greater than ours. My brother mentioned admiring our perseverance. The Bible has the following verse regarding that topic:
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, for as much as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58
The Best Things in Life are Worth Waiting For....Joyfully introducing our son Michael Kenneth (Born on July 21, 2011, Forever Ours March 14, 2012)
— at Bogota, Colombia.
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